Trying on hats

I've always wished I were a dominatrix.  I think I'd love the power of ordering someone around, having him/her get satisfaction from pleasing and serving me.  I fantasize about being a dominatrix with a really hot submissive man who worships me.  I imagine having him feed me, shave me, tying him up and teasing/torturing him in some way that makes eventual the eventual climax that much better.  The power sounds delicious in theory.  I even think it'd be great to go by Mistress Lexi.  But it's just not me.
Whenever I've actually been placed in the dom role I end up worrying I'm actually hurting the guy, wishing he'd just tell me what to do or not being patient enough to tease him to the breaking point.
I'm good at being a sub though.  I've been embracing this more and more recently.  I think it took me a long time to realize that some degree of S&M are present in most relationships, inside the limits of what the individuals define as "safe, sane and consensual" (cornerstones of the practice).  Realizing that power dynamics are natural in a relationship and accepting that I'm a bottom (sub) really helped me to embrace and enjoy that role.
I used that think being a sub meant doing demeaning things.  Now I know just where to set my boundaries and discuss it beforehand with any partner.  I am finding that I happily serve and obey my master in sexual play when I'm comfortable.  In the right situation it is highly enjoyable to be tied up, blindfolded, spanked, teased, objectified or leashed.  I am happy to give up control when I'm sure that my partner won't abuse it.  In relinquishing of control and experiencing good pain, anticipation builds and I find myself aroused and satisfied.

What's sexy

I frequently wonder what makes something sexy.  I find that each of my senses has the ability to detect sexy.  And the stimuli can change depending on my mood or the environment.  When something is sexually appealing my heart flutters and my breath gets caught in my throat for a moment, sometimes I feel lightheaded and other times I just smile.
One of the more recent sexy things I encountered was a woman's skin.  This particular woman has the most amazingly soft skin - as smooth as butter or silk, with no imperfections to be found.  Is she real?  I think so. I spent a whole evening kissing her.  The crazy thing is that I was at a sex club and instead of finding men to play with (I identify as a 1 on the Kinsey Scale) I only made out with her.  But she was what appealed to my senses on that night.  Kissing her was heaven - ridiculously soft lips, great tasting and flirty.  Caressing her body and enjoying the connection was all I really wanted to do.
I had met her once before, but previously she had played more with my husband and I with her boyfriend.  I believe this is because we fell into the traditional roles of straight couples at a sex club.  But at our second encounter, her boyfriend was away for the weekend so I wasn't distracted by him.  And thank goodness.  The gentle play between our two bodies felt sweet and uncomplicated.  We were comfortable and aroused.  But since we are both straight women our sexual tension never reached the level where we wanted to devour each other with passion or wondered whether this would become something more.
I wish that I weren't so fickle when it comes to what I define as sexy.   One day someone or something can be neutral in my mind and then suddenly a switch will flip and I'll be extremely turned on by whatever my brain or body has deemed desirous.  It might be lips one day, muscles, hair, a laugh, or conversation another day.  There's definitely a pattern to what I find appealing but there are also the outliers that give me an unexpected warm and tingly feeling.  It's likely the outliers that lift my mood the most and invigorate me.  Those experiences remind me of my teenage years.  Sadly, they seem to disappear as people pair up and mate for life.  In part, my ability to act upon some of these wild and crazy passionate feelings helps keep me so happy to be in my semi-open marriage.
The only guarantee I have is that I'll experience something sensually enjoyable in every day.  And I find it pretty awesome that my senses are able to give me that much pleasure and titillation.  I just wish I knew what would delight me each time so I could seek it out.  But then I think part of the excitement is the surprise.