Monday, June 28, 2010

Workin' the pole

I've been to many strip clubs. Not the most common place for a (fairly straight) woman to enjoy going but I find them to be intriguing and fun. I even celebrated my 22nd birthday at a strip club. I delight in the excitement, the naughtiness, the power shift between women and men. Over time I became curious about what happened behind the scenes - who chose the music, costumes, what was the dressing room like, were the ladies as friendly as they acted, how did they learn they learn pole tricks?
To answer these questions I decided I needed to get some first hand behind the scenes experience. I auditioned on a Tuesday evening (amateur night) at a local, fully nude strip club. I called in advance and was told just to bring one outfit, shave or wax fully, and they would choose music for me.
I looked up some basic stripper dos and don'ts on the internet. I arrived in my normal clothes, went to the dressing room to get dressed and do my own hair and makeup. The DJ (a large and friendly guy) gave my a choice of songs and honestly I can't remember which 2 I chose. I was so nervous. The other rules that the DJ told me were to be topless by the end of the first song and naked at the beginning of the second song and look like I was having the best time of my life.
And truthfully I did have a good time. The nerves pretty much all went away once I got up on stage. Being the amateur girl all eyes were on me like I was a virgin. I felt so powerful. I was above all these men who desperately wanted to touch me, but couldn't (the city law was that they had to be at least 18 inches away). I felt more confident in my physical appearance than I ever had since everyone was looking at me adoringly.
At the end of my 2 songs I went back to the dressing room with the $70 or so dollars I had made for 5-6 minutes of fun. Wow. The manager asked me if I would like to work there and I said yes right away.
I got put on the schedule to work Saturday day shift 11am to 7pm. It certainly wasn't the best shift but it was something and that was all I was really looking for, a glimpse inside.
I worked that shift and a few others here and there, as well as at the bikini bar owned by the same people for somewhere between 4-5 months. I learned a lot and still revel in an opportunity to either strip or pole dance, but not as a job. Here is my top 10 review of the good and bad things from the experience.

Good -
1) I got to buy lots of new sexy clothes and shoes.
2) I felt the most powerful and dominant I have ever felt in my life.
3) I saw a 4 month pregnant stripper (visibly pregnant) make all the men drool with her baseball cap routine (she'd borrow a baseball cap from one of the men, dance with it, put it all over her body and then return it).
4) I learned how to dance like a stripper - some of the girls taught me moves and I learned by watching.
5) I earned quite a bit of fairly easy money.
6) I got to listen to and dance to my favorite music.
7) I got to take on a new persona.
8) I learned how to give myself a full Brazilian (bikini waxing). I didn't want to pay for one every few weeks for 1 day a week of work.
9) I got to dance for friends as well as strangers.
10) I was able to leave when I decided I'd had enough without being jobless or broke.

Bad -
1) The club was supposedly owned by the Croatian mafia. What I knew for sure was that it was run by unkind and condescending men.
2) Most of the other strippers were using cocaine or meth.
3) Many of the strippers were rude and catty - if you used the genre of music they used, if you talked to customers while they were on stage, if you looked at them.
4) The management yelled at the strippers if a customer ever touched a stripper - not really something a stripper could control (though understandably bad as the club could lose its license).
5) Men harassed and waited for strippers outside of the club.
6) Many of the women used the regulars to get outside benefits - they would have the men take them shopping, pay their rent or buy them cars (often with nothing more given than a chance to hang out).
7) I was always bruised everywhere from the hard wooden stage and the pole.
8) There was always some sort of bodily fluid on the stage or poles - sweat? saliva? vaginal fluid?
9) I had to be friendly and animated and act interested even when the customers were exceedingly boring.
10) While customers could not touch the strippers, they blew on them throughout stage performances, in an attempt to make them feel they were interacting in some physical way. Not sexy and not fun.

Friday, June 25, 2010

A Butterfly Kiss takes my breath away

When I received my newest sex toy, the Butterfly Kiss, I thought it looked juvenile - the MyLittlePony of vibrators. With baby blue flexible silicone (it also comes in pink), a butterfly perched atop and hearts on the base, I would have imagined it to be called The Abstainer and given to teenagers to prevent premarital sex.
My expectations were also low because I don't typically care for penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time. I usually don't even enjoy sex while using a vibrator, asking my husband not to move at all on the occasions when we try clitoral vibration with sex (resulting in a softer and unhappy husband). This vibrator also looked wimpy to me, being powered by only 2 AAA batteries versus my favored plug in vibrator.
But that's where I stopped being under-impressed. The people who made this vibrator must have really considered all aspects of the female anatomy, or at least created it with my anatomy and pleasure in mind. The butterfly itself has two wings and two antenna that flutter/buzz on the sides of the clitoris and a middle section (back of the butterfly) that is ribbed for her pleasure and can sit right against the clitoris. The shaft/penetrating part of the vibrator has an enlarged and somewhat egg-shaped end that fits inside the vagina and creates intense stimulation when thrust in and out. The fact that it has 3 different settings and that they really are low, medium and high was wonderful. The low is very mellow and the high is enough for even me, the Hitachi Magic Wand fiend.
After the 5th orgasm in less than 10 minutes I was giddy. This toy is amazing. It would fit in my handbag. I could bring it on vacation with me...oh how I'd love a weekend getaway with friends, lovers, or just me and my Butterfly Kiss.
But back to reality, I can't think of anyone who wouldn't enjoy this wonderful toy. Did I mention it's also waterproof? It can be an amazingly stimulating dildo if you don't want the vibration, or a clitoral vibrator only if you don't insert the shaft. But the way that it works together is mindblowing. My two best orgasm triggers (clitoral stimulation and the head of a penis sliding in and out) were put together in a more intense and breathtaking way than I had ever imagined. One downside of the previous g-spot and clitoral vibrators I've had was that I could either vibrate the clit or thrust them in and out, but because of how bendable this shaft is, I am able to just rock it back and forth while keep the butterfly on target the entire time. Also, the more orgasms I have the tighter my vagina gets and the tighter my vagina gets the better the head of the shaft feels - talk about positive reenforcement.
And this is truly a budget vibrator. I will satisfy myself daily and happily buy a new one when I run this one into the ground (but it may be awhile if I can get 5 orgasms in under 10 minutes).

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

X marks the spot

The first time I saw someone get a piercing I almost passed out. I'm not talking about the little piercing gun for ear piercing, but rather the needle they use at piercing parlors. I watched the needle go through the skin above her belly button and decided I would never get any piercing other than the one I already had in each ear.
A little less than a year later I had gotten my own navel pierced. I guess I wanted to conquer my fears. I also watched my sister get a few other piercings (her tragus and an industrial) in the cartilage of her ear. At the time she was dating the owner of a piercing parlor so I decided to get another piercing - a helix piercing (also ear cartilage).
I thought both of my body piercings were great. They made me feel a little more edgy, but in a very benign way. The only downside to them was how long they took to heal. My navel was back to normal after 6 months but the cartilage of my ear took 2-3 years before it was completely healed. In those lengthy healing periods I repeatedly considered taking out the piercings, but I had taken so long working up to getting each that I stubbornly kept them in.
But when my sister told me (5-7 years later) that she was going to get her clitoral hood pierced and wanted me to get it done with her, I was a bit wary. I didn’t want to risk having a long healing period down there. I also remembered hearing stories in college, once firsthand, but usually second or thirdhand about how getting the piercing led to near-constant arousal and uncontrolled orgasms. It sounded nice to be easily stimulated but what about when I was at work or spending time with my parents - not exactly the kind of thing I wanted to have no control over. So I told my sister I'd have to do some research.
I learned that while getting the clitoris itself pierced was more likely to lead to the above mentioned outcomes, even that was likely an exaggeration or simply because the people who were telling these stories had just gotten their piercings (since there is often more sensitivity in the first few days).
After a couple months I told my sister I was game. Somewhere in there I also made my husband a deal (since he was excited for me to get the piercing) that if I got it done, he would get a frenum (underside of the penis) piercing.
So we all went together to the piercing parlor. I remember the piercing itself hurting horribly and feeling a little faint afterwards. The three of us agreed right away that our piercings gave us increased sensation. That sensation decreased as I got used to the feeling of the ball hovering over my clit. But it continues to be the magical x on the treasure map of find my clit and play with it. And best of all it healed quickly! Within 3 weeks it was completely healed.
My husband was not so lucky. His ring frequently got caught on his boxers with painful repercussions, made masturbating uncomfortable and never completely healed. So after 5 years he removed it. I was sad to lose the added stimulation during sex but happy for him not to be in pain anymore.
I love my clitoral hood piercing and would recommend it a low maintenance female piercing with the benefits of being nice to look at, fun for self-play and an easy aide for others interested in pleasuring you.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Doin' it doggy style

I received the Doggy Style Harness courtesy of Bliss Connection last week and have been doing my best to test it thoroughly in bed. The harness is an unassuming black piece of webbing with loops on the ends that can be loosened or tightened. The middle section of the harness is wider and softer, and thank goodness it is, since that it’s the part that rubbed against my abdomen while it was being pulled.

My husband and I tried the harness multiple times and do not find it to be something we will incorporate into our everyday sex lives. This does not mean that we won’t use it from time to time, but it just wasn’t the best toy for us.

After figuring out exactly how to position the harness, and using it for a couple minutes, I literally grabbed my husband’s hands and placed them on my hips. I crave as much skin-to-skin contact during sex as possible and he enjoys it too, readily grabbing even my more jiggly bits.

I can understand how some women might prefer not to be touched directly on their love handles, and for those women, this harness may make them feel more comfortable and sexy during lovemaking. After all, this one of the big selling points on the packaging. Also, if the man has a large stomach that makes reaching the woman’s hips challenging, this could be the toy that makes doggy style a fun position again.

One really great aspect of the harness is that it allowed my husband to be more rough and fast with his thrusting, without it being uncomfortable both on my hips (where his hands would have grabbed) and inside my vagina. Sometimes with deep penetration I feel pain from his penis against my cervix, but this didn’t happen while we were using the harness. I can’t explain why it was pain-free, but am guessing that it was related to the harness changing the angle of penetration. Also, the harness made it so that I didn’t have to do anything at all (freeing me up to play with myself).

After doing our due diligence in doggy style, we were ready to take the harness off-road. I was able to strap my arms and legs in a variety of positions, making the harness reminiscent of basic bondage gear – though the webbing was not always the most comfortable on wrists and ankles (my husband found this to be an issue even when used in the recommended position). It could be nice if you are unsure of whether your partner would be up for trying bondage. Buying a harness advertised for doggy style would be a very minimal pressure way to introduce the concept to your partner: “hey honey I bought this doggy style harness and oh, look, you can also tie me to the bed with it.” Though if you really want an introduction to bondage, a beginner’s bondage kit might be a better choice.

On the box there was a suggestion that the woman use the harness around the man in missionary position. When we tried this it did give me a bit more control over the rhythm, but kept sliding up his back, which decreased my domination and ended with me tossing it off the bed and going back to business as usual.

Overall, I found this toy to be a bit of bedroom spice, something fun to add for variety, but not what I’d use in my daily life. I tend to be a missionary girl, and while I enjoy other positions, I know which one will get be off fastest, strongest and most often. It did seem to make doggy style more fun, so if you or your partner loves doggy style it may be worth the investment.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Sexy down there

Some people keep their private parts private. I think this is fine. It's not as if I go flaunting mine everyday. But private doesn't have to mean unattended to. I have learned how to accessorize and beautify that area, just as I do with the rest of my body.
With the dawn of the feminist movement women seemed to learn how to enjoy their vaginas in a sexual and natural sensual manner. But what if women want to adorn their vaginas? The belief seems to be that altering the look you were born with would mean you were buying into male stereotypes and fantasies and objectifying women.
I like the look of a dolled up and perhaps even modified genital region. I have thought about this a lot. Perhaps I am so indoctrinated into our culture that I like what I've been told men like. But there is also the possibility that this is just what I enjoy looking at and having. I like the look of hairless crotches, of skimpy underwear and jewelry (yes, down there).
Either way, I decided to make my private parts look a way that I find beautiful. I got a horizontal clitoral hood piercing. It doesn't make me have orgasms in public or make the area more stimulated, but it does look good to me. I bought underwear that make me look and feel sexy. I had a labia reduction surgery, though that was not purely for aesthetic reasons. I have also been getting laser hair removal. I am getting what is referred to as a Brazilian extended, meaning that they remove all the hair down there, even on the butt. I did decide to save a large "landing strip" of hair though so I can still have the choice between some hair or no hair. The best part of the permanent hair removal for me is being put on a bikini and not having to think about whether or not I remembered to shave.
All of these changes make me feel prettier even if others don't see them. And sure most of these things also appeal to my husband. I might not have made these changes (especially the permanent ones) if he didn't also enjoy them, but pleasing him was not my primary motivation and thus I see myself as a new breed of feminist.

Friday, June 18, 2010

I get to review toys!

When I was a kid I remember hearing that some children were paid to try out new toys. I thought it sounded too good to be true. Now here I am, several years later, getting to do exactly that. Dear readers, I received the first toy yesterday and will be doing best my give it a thorough testing. I'll work hard so that I can have a review for you as soon as possible ;)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Sex bucket list

In college I remember taking sexual purity tests and using them as a kind of checklist for future exploits (which in itself lowers one's purity score). I was at the same time ashamed and exhilarated to have one of the lowest purity score of anyone I knew. College, being the ivory tower that it is (filled with lusty young adults) made my job of crossing off new sexual experiences on my checklist rather easy.
It has been years since I last took a purity test, but every now and then I take stock of my sexual satisfaction and think of the things that I haven't done but still want to. I guess you could say I have a constantly evolving bucket list for sexual adventures.
I tend to think of my list the most when it's been awhile since I've experienced something sexually exciting or if I'm feeling more sexually frustrated. I guess that both apply currently which is why I'm writing about it now.
Other than a little girl/girl kissing I did for a photo shoot earlier this week, I really haven't done anything even the least bit sexually adventurous in a long while...perhaps a year, maybe more. Also, a couple whom my husband and I have had more than your typical friendly relationship with visited a few weeks ago and nothing happened. Grrrr. Oh well, I'm sure it will happen in the future again, but they live in Seattle so it'll probably be awhile.
So here I am, waiting for my next adventure and feeling a little like I've been marooned on a desert island.
Time to take stock of my bucket list and because I'm slightly OCD I like to have exactly 10 items on my list at any one time:
1) Use a strap-on as the giver.
2) Attend a sex party.
3) Strip at a bachelor party (kind of did this before but not in an organized manner).
4) Model for a sex photo shoot (kind of did this before too but not just photos of the act).
5) Take photographs of others having sex.
6) Play sexual games more often (I miss Truth or Dare, Spin the Bottle and I've Never)
7) Have a stripper pole in my house (it's good exercise).
8) Have an orgasm without any stimulation to my vaginal area when I'm awake (it has happened in my sleep).
9) Date another couple (for longer than a week).
10) Have sex in 10 more countries and 10 more states (see I like the number 10). Currently I think I've had sex in 6 countries and 9 states.

Monday, June 14, 2010

The Magic Wand makes me purr

I like a strong vibrating sensation between my thighs. Why am I telling you this? Because I am auditioning to be a sex toy reviewer for I started with the typical gateway vibrator. You know, the plain nondescript silicone vibrator that was enough to get the job done but not overly satisfying. I moved on to stronger vibrators like the Bullet and the Rabbit, but I ran both of those into the ground after a few years. I love long intense vibrator sessions when I'm in the mood - either during rare moments of alone time, as part of foreplay with my husband watching or as the finale after a tumble in the sheets.
Right around the time my Rabbit died, one of my friends mentioned that she had been in bed for 3 days with her new vibrator - and she had both a husband and a girlfriend at the time! Wow I thought, it must be amazing. She said that she had been unable to tear herself away from such mind blowing self pleasure.
It wasn't more than a month later that I purchased my own Hitachi Magic Wand. I opened the box to an ugly, large back massager. At least it would be easy to explain away if anyone ever found it, I thought. I quickly plugged it in and gave it a try. Then another. And another. And another. I had never experienced a vibrator so powerful, so orgasmatastic.
It quickly became part of our lovemaking ritual. "I'm feeling a little dry" I'd say. "Should I get the lube?" my husband would ask. "No. I think I'll just use the Magic Wand for a bit" I'd say. "Wanna watch." And of course he did.
Now, nearly 5 years later I still have my first indestructible vibrator and love it. It has two speeds so I can recommend it even to those who don't like as strong of vibration as I do (though you definitely do have to enjoy clitoral stimulation). The only downside is that since it is plug in only, it wouldn't work for taking on backpacking trips or to the beach. But there are other ways to have fun in those circumstances.
And I've changed the way I view it's appearance. Like all relationships not based on initial appearance, I have slowly grown fond of it's form after falling head over heals for its function. I now think of it as long white wand with a big, mushroom shaped head. Kinda like something else I enjoy.